I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
