i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
