frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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