she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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