i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
