is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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