Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wear drunk well.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
