Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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