I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
