I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
how does that bad decision feel?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
