i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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