I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
