Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
