I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
