I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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