Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
