We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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