i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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