i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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