I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
