I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
