I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
