Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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