dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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