why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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