new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
