I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Say something about gay babies.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
