I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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