Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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