so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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