did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
