somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize