Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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