shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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