I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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