My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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