would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Come share oat with me in your robe
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
