Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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