ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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