The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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