just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
