So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
