Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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