Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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