I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
