its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
