on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
