Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
