Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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