i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
