went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
