So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
