I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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