whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
