You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
