i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize