Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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