im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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