My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
