Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Randomize
