I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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